Recovery is Resistance

I am reading Say Yes to Life – In Spite of Everything by Viktor E. Frankl, which is doing what I hoped it would: inspiring me to let go of all the things I cannot control and focus on the one thing I can — myself.

In light of current events, it has been grounding for me to remember that suffering is a fate that cannot be escaped, and that the endurance of suffering, in and of itself, is a great achievement. In recovery, I must remain vigilant in directing my thoughts toward what is good, what is true, and what I am grateful for in my life; otherwise, first my mind, then my body, then my spirit will, one by one, all go down with the ship. If I lose myself — the self I have fought for through acceptance and change — only then will I truly lose everything.

To me, recovery is a return to health, resistance is a force that opposes movement or flow and overcoming resistance is our work on earth to become our highest selves.

Recovery is resistance.

Recovery is a return to health.

I am in recovery from substances and behaviours that helped me cope, escape, and bear the unbearable suffering of being present while lacking the control to have any influence over my circumstances.

In the past, I have felt guilt, shame, and remorse for not feeling strong enough to do anything but deny the truth of what was happening around me. I have felt regret for being paralyzed by fear, seeking the approval, validation, and acceptance of others over being true to myself. Today I am acting on the belief that any energy spent in opposition to the lies that distort our shared experience of this world — even in small, quiet ways — is better than nothing.

The world has become a scary place for a person without “a team” or protection of any kind to have a voice. It feels inadequate to share how I am coping, bearing, and enduring this present moment in history without the need to escape it. My hope is that sharing this information will help someone, somewhere know they are not alone and there is hope for recovery.

So, what am I doing to resist?

Every day, I intentionally let go of the lie that ego, status, and the world’s definition of success will make me feel like enough, by choosing to live my life simply, honestly, and intentionally — one day at a time.

These days, after doing “the work” my first conscious thought is of God, asking for help to choose recovery over addiction; striving to turn my thoughts, choices and day over to a power greater than myself. As I work toward finishing my degree in Adult Education, I am experiencing a slower pace of life — a choice made from a place of surrender. Every day is not the same, but some elements are consistent. On most days, I read, pray, and journal, chat with my eighteen-year-old daughter, and walk my dog, Lucy.

On our walks, I connect with people and things that lift my spirit. I notice the natural beauty and good in the world. I say hello to neighbours who feel receptive and strive to be polite to those who don’t, giving myself the gift of acceptance rather than trying to understand why. I don’t know where they’ve been or what they are carrying, so I aim to respond with compassion instead of making their mood about me. This is the beating heart of my recovery from codependency.

Throughout the day, I remind myself of who and what really matters, and of all that I am grateful for — especially when I get stressed, anxious or upset and momentarily lose my peace. I have intentionally created a life where I live in serenity most of the time, so I correct and recover as soon as possible. Sometimes I simply let things be, knowing nothing is perfect and not everything can be fixed. This helps me let go of trying to be in control, and stay aligned with the spiritual truth that all is well, rather than the world’s lie that nothing — and no one — is ever good enough. I know the truth, that we are designed to be imperfect, and navigating challenges in our lives is how we learn, grow, and become our higher selves. I trust God that my purpose is bigger than my mistakes and that He can make all things work together for good.

I do my best to keep myself, my schedule, and my environment orderly and functional, because disorder and dysfunction create anxiety for me. I follow a daily routine that prioritizes my health by balancing diet, exercise, sleep, connection, and work, and every day I try to make myself proud by striving to reach small goals, be kind to people, and learn from my mistakes. I set boundaries with technology and aspire to create more than I consume. I let go of what doesn’t work to create a world for myself that supports me, values my contributions, and feels safe. I search for communities of like-minded people doing the same, and I remember there is always a solution — even if the only solution available to me is accepting the people, places, and things that I cannot change.

I strive to live in alignment with the truth that I am safe.

I strive, through daily action, to live in alignment with the truth that I am safe, that my needs are met by God, and that any suffering I experience is for my inner growth and to direct me toward my highest good. Even in my sorrow, I never feel alone because I believe God is with me, that where there is life there is hope, and that when my life comes to an end, I will be safe there too. I do not fear death. I fear not living my life according to my purpose.

Each of us has the power to make a positive difference in the world, but not alone — we need each other.

I am always a work in progress, but I seek these ideals on a daily basis and have accepted failure as part of the learning process. I believe each of us has the power to make a positive difference in the world, but not alone — we need each other. That’s a good thing, because that’s our recovery, and our resistance.

An Invitation

As you go about your day, I invite you to pause and notice...

What helps you return to yourself.

What brings you peace.

What strengthens your spirit.

Then choose one small action that moves you toward the life you want to live.